i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
