is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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