dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
