Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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