i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
