what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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