Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
