I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize