Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
