so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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