I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
