No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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