last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
