you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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