So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
