Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
