the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
