i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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