who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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