sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
