I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
