He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize