Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
