I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
