I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Randomize