DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
