Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
we have pet lesbian snakes
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
