People with herpes should wear stickers.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize