Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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