I think my fart just growled at me.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
