Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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