Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
