I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
