i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
