So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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