You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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