my being single is dangerous.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize