I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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