ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm passing your future prison.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
