The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
