I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
