Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
