his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
