You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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