with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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