I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
