did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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