he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
