Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Bring me that man meat
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
