After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You are the jesus of drinking
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize