I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
