absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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