so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
