so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
