I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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