First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize