i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
