ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
