homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
