So drunk its hurt
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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