p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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