I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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