I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
