My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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