So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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