The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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