She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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