You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
if only i could text you this smell
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
