Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
