strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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