I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
