I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
