i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
