DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize