I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
