no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
