I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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