have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
