he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize