I want to walk on stilts...naked
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
