ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize