I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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