Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
