You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
