also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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