The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
