Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
