Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
