So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
