i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
