Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
