I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
