i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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