She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I am available for nakedness
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