I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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