I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
