what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
