Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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