You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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