Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
