She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
