Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
