I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
